What a difference a day, a week, and especially a year makes! It’s hard to believe this time last year I was standing in a hospital room looking at this precious baby who was our son! Across the hall was the amazing incredible selfless woman who had carried him for 9 months, loved him and labored for him and then handed him to me. As soon as I held him and looked at his precious little face I knew he was mine. You never know how you are going to feel until that moment and I can promise you that I felt exactly the same way that I did when I had given birth to our son just a year prior. From that moment I knew I would give up anything and everything for this tiny little person. In a moment everything changed and I knew I would never be the same.
There are many moments in our life where everything changes and we know we will never be the same. It might be the moment we say I do on our wedding day or the moment our child is born. Sometimes these moments are split second decisions like the choice to say hello to someone who ends up becoming a lifelong friend. Sometimes these moments are difficult and painful like when we have to say goodbye to a loved one who is going home to be with Jesus.
In the 31 years that I have been alive there have been many of these moments and many of them I have probably missed but this year I have become so very aware of how significant they are. I recently reflected on the last 12 months and all that has happened—to say a lot has changed would be an understatement.
12 months ago my husband and are were sitting in our house in Pawleys Island and I can guarantee you I was saying, “When is Jackson going to be born? I just need him to get here” Then on Monday October 6 at 10pm we were settling in for the evening when we got the call. Our adoption agent, Carri told us that Jackson’s birth mother was in labor and that we should get in our car and drive to Greenwood.
Since then I have changed jobs three times and we have moved to a new city. We have said goodbye to loved ones and welcomed new ones into our lives but when I look back I can see the Father’s hand in it all. There are incredible testimonies from the last 12 months and the Father has made it very apparent that he has worked in it all. Sometimes I think we can be going so fast and our lives can be so busy that we miss the Father’s work and his incredible gifts to us. God has moved in every area of our lives and he has overwhelmed me with His extravagant love for me. He has given us things we didn’t even know that we wanted or needed. Even in the times when I wondered how it was all going to work out, he came through every time.
When you have suffered great loss and have had to walk through grief it’s easy to feel like God let you down. I have certainly had my moments when I wondered if he was really going to come through this time but what I have learned through the past 12 months is that God not only redeems and restores what we have lost, he gives us so much more! I am eternally thankful for the sacrificial and selfless love of Jackson’s birthmother who chose us to be his parents. I am overwhelmed that he would give me such an incredible gift and chose me to be the mother of this wonderful little boy. When I look into the eyes of my son I am constantly reminded of the Father’s extravagant love for me and how he gave up everything for me even though I don’t deserve it. I hope I never lose sight of the blessing that Jackson is or how deep the Father’s love is for me!
Which way has this past year gone for you? Has it been a dizzying climb upward or a dramatic descent? Or has it been an up and down rollercoaster? Perhaps it has been a long, level and boring flatland where the scenery hasn’t changed at all and you despair it ever will. Whatever the topography has been, the Father has been there with you. Try to remember that God not only redeems and restores what we have lost, in his faithfulness, he eventually gives us so much more!